I knew that September would be a tough month. Tiring, lots of challenges and all, stressing… But man, this? It was just all of the best and worst together in compact 30 days. And I’m exhausted!
And my novel? Well… It’s nowhere even close to where I had planned to be at this point. It should be some 60’000 words and I’m only about half that way.
The beginning of the month was wonderful. I made a very short trip with my children back home to my roots. And I came back with the feeling that now, finally, I knew who I really was. That I had found myself again in the beautiful landscapes of Iceland, in nature, in being just with my kids and out of everyday routine. It was simply amazing and envigorating.
Then, back at work and the kids back at school, was an endless 5 days a week of bustling around, picking up kids, dropping them off somewhere, doing homework, trying to make it all work out. There were some added tensions also due to my family-in-law… All not so great with the one or other explosive moment.
Then last week. Two huge challenges for myself workwise and also personal, which made me go even further than I would ever have imagined only a few years earlier. But all of this had left me with simply no time, and worst of all, no motivation soever to write. I was once again at that point in life where I doubted it all, whether it wasn’t all just a stupid daydream and whether it wouldn’t be better for everyone if I just dropped it. I got up in the morning, went to work, got home, did homework with the kids and went to bed. That was it. A sad grey life.
I didn’t feel like I could, once again, pull myself out of the misery again and stand up to face yet another emotional and personal crisis. But then I thought: Hell no! If all hell breaks loose and I decide to quit the life I’m stuck in now, I will need my dreams and passions more than ever. They are the reason I get up every time I fall, again and again.
And so I opened my file with the meager 30’000 words, and read them through again. I went shopping for some craft supplies. I printed patterns for Bento bags I’ve been wanting to sew for some while now. I bought wool, for yet another shawl (you can’t have too many bags or shawls). I started knitting right away once I got home.
And, all in all, I simply started dreaming and believing again. In myself, in my passions and in the incredible power of giving in to creativity to create your own happiness. And what better timing than right now, today, for a new start on a new moon.